Cynicism Can Make Your Life Miserable

I was watching a clip from an old Conan O'Brien show and he said:

"Please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism.. it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things can happen."

Cynicism or pessimism is our reaction after a particularly hurtful experience. We think that when we're faced with a situation similar to it, we will get the same result. It's a firm belief that nothing good can happen. So before we even see where it ends, we are already expecting it to turn out badly. It's a protective instinct which in healthy doses can be a good survival tool.

It allows you to identify when there's a threat to your well-being and you can proceed with caution and be wary. But when it's too much, it can keep your life filled with negativity and make you miserable. It kills hope and the belief in the goodness of people. It takes away the faith that you reap what you usually sow - most of the time.

On the other side of the spectrum is optimism. Too much of it is not healthy either. It's unrealistic and makes you stupid. As if you're unaware that there are real threats which you should be wary about and it would be best to steer clear of it.

I've seen cynicism ruin people's life and the worst that I've seen happened to a close family member... which is why Conan's words struck a chord in me. Bad experiences made him believe that everyone is out to get something out of him. That that's all that people wanted from him. So, when he gave something to people, he expected their soul in return... and even before they can do him harm, he will make sure that he has the upper hand. He'd rather be a villain than a victim. He couldn't show signs of weakness and he always pretended that he had a handle on life.

The problem was that his cynicism took such a hold of him that he can no longer identify which threats are real and which are imaginary. It has turned to paranoia, and his attitude hurt even those closest to him... and it ruined his life. It's a sad, sad story, and what's sadder is that no one can change it except him. Before it can get better, he needs to change his mindset and get back to reality.

No matter what happens in our life, we need to keep believing that good things can happen if we sow good things. If we cannot believe that, then what's the point of doing anything at all? If you cannot hope for better things, if you don't have the faith that perserverance can pay off, if you can't believe in the goodness of the world - then you understand the meaning of "hopeless". It's a crappy way to live.

Sure, sometimes you make mistakes. So does everyone. The mistake brought about bad things which hurt you. You're not alone in that. But you must learn from the experience and do better next time. It's not a reason to expect that everything else will turn out the same. Not all situations are the same, the people involved are not the same - you are not the same, hopefully.

I'm thankful that in spite of the many heartbreaks, disappointments and pain that I've personally experienced in my life, I've managed to keep my faith that good things are out there waiting for me. Yes, at times i'm cynical and wary, but only when the situation calls for it. This is the gift of experience. You get wiser with time... (most of the time)

It's the fear of getting hurt that makes us cynical. It's our front - a form of defense. But as you go along in life and you experience many things, you become less scared, even of things that have hurt you in the past. Because you realize as life goes on that the pain passes, you can get through whatever it is that broke you. Once you experience something, it loses its mystery and you know that you can handle it if it comes your way again. We learn and we move on and we gather wisdom.

Maybe i'm a dreamer, and maybe this protected me from turning into a cynical person devoid of hope. Even though I've seen many things that can kill your hope for goodness, I managed to hold on to my spirit. There are times when you will find yourself down on the ground, and that's ok. We all need to recuperate and find our feet again. Then we get up, put back the shattered pieces of our lives and create a new one.

The important thing is that when you rise out of the ashes of your despair, you can face the world again with renewed hope and not with hopelessness and cynicism. You will choose the life you want for yourself and do what you must to achieve it. You will determine your reality.

Conan was right. Cynicism doesn't lead anywhere but misery and despair. Don't be cynical. As long as you are breathing and there's strength in your bones, you must believe that the world you want can be achieved...

It exists... It is real... It is possible... 

and if you really work hard for it and with the help of good people around you... 

It is yours!

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