Put A Faucet On Your Bucket (Saying No to the Demands on Your Time)

As you grow in skills and value in your career, you'll notice that one day there will be a lot of people expecting something from you. This is a good sign, if you're looking for a gauge to judge your success by. Colleagues turn to you because they know you get things done. It's certainly a better alternative too being the untrustworthy wallpaper in the office.

In your personal life too, sometimes you unintentionally give that perception. That everyone can dump their problems on you and you'll listen and help. They're like the faucet and you're the bucket. The only problem is that the faucet is not in your control.


We want to be appreciated, valued and helpful. It makes us feel relevant and needed and it boosts our self confidence. But we also need to know when the bucket is running full - and remove it from under that faucet. How can you be so thoughtless and leave the concerns and people unattended? Because you deserve a break too. As much as you don't want to believe it, the world won't fall apart if you take a break, and take time to unload the freaking bucket.

In our desire to assist and be helpful, we find it hard to say no when we start feeling stressed and overloaded. The effect is that the joy that you once felt in finishing the tasks and in the role that you play... disappear. They become just tasks, never ending tasks that you can't seem to catch up with. You start feeling used and manipulated. That may not be people's intentions but, that's how you're starting to feel.

When you're on top of the world, these demands are nothing. You are energetic, positive and hopeful. You have much to give and you are more than happy to share your awesomeness. But sometimes, things happen in your life, and your physical and mental resources need to be focused in that direction to help you cope with your own problems. There will be times when the bucket needs to have a faucet too. 

Sadly, people don't seem to know when they need to give you a break. They can have high expectations of you, even when you're going through a difficult time. It has become a habit. You've been labeled. What's sadder is that we don't know when to ask for a break. We're afraid of offending anyone. We don't want to be tagged as cold and uncaring.. or incompetent. That's perfectly understandable, but it can have dire consequences. Not for anyone else, but for you.

You start feeling tired, stressed and even depressed. You start to fail expectations and you'll find yourself frequently apologizing for why you weren't able to do this or do that. The satisfaction of being the go-to-person cum wonder girl is a thing of the past. That's the sad part. If the role you're playing is no longer satisfying... then what's the point of all these burdens you're taking on?

Sometimes, you need to say no to the demands on your time and focus on dealing with your own crap first. Sometimes, you need to just think of yourself for a change. Then when you've recovered and in a better place mentally or physically, you can continue being the ever reliable wonder bucket, if that's what you want to be.

In my life, I tried to be a great bucket. I never believed that anyone can solve my problems but me. I can be hardheaded like that. Stress is my middle name. But tragedy happened to me too, and I needed all my resources to cope with my own problems. So, I stopped being a bucket. I demanded a break. I had to do it coldly and decisively cause I know that if I don't, I would fall apart. I didn't give people much chance to react actually. I resigned from a high paying job so I can freelance full time. I shied away from talking about problems. I avoided those like a plague cause I needed to find my beautiful place again.

I just took the bucket away. 

Luckily, the few people that I counted on understood... or tried to understand, at least. They put a faucet on my bucket... and the pains and stresses are slowly trickling away. So thankful for that.

Time is all we need to think, reassess and heal. But to do that, you need to take back that time and spend it on YOU. Fix that bucket first.

Related Article: Why Is It So Hard To Love Yourself?